Day 5
Still feeling the effects of a difficult night... felt a little like walking through a minefield only it was in my mind. However, am proud to say I did make a choice for life today. I was working at the school where I have a job next year and today the students all found out their teacher and class for next year. I confess I was feeling a little anxious and insecure about it all. I have casually taught all of the children who will be in my class and I was worried about how they'd feel about having me as their teacher.
The first temptation was to walk through the playground as children were opening the letters with their parents discussing it with their friends. Unfortunately, I succumbed to this temptation and purposefully took the long route to the staff room to observe any reactions. Truthfully, I hoped to hear excitement from children in my future class, but expected to hear disappointment and complaining. Fortunately, I heard neither so both my pride and insecurity were not fed.
As I left the staff room, I was tempted to walk back the same way. More letters had been opened and there were many varied loud responses and exclamations coming from children outside. What did they think? Would they be pleased? Really my heart was asking, do they like me? Or is what I fear actually true, they don't like me and I'm not a good teacher.
No, walking that way would not be helpful. I am not defined by what they think and my worth doesn't come from their acceptance or rejection. In fact, my worth does not even come from how well or badly I do my job. My worth comes from something far deeper. I find it difficult to believe or feel at times, but still I know it is true. I am of great worth because I was dreamed up and created by God. He imagined me exactly and created me to fill a specific gap that no one else could fill. I am His poem. His masterpiece. And nothing I do or don't achieve or accomplish will change that. Feelings change. Opinions of people are easily blown to and fro as on a wind. But God is secure and the fact that He chose me will never change.
So I will do my best with my class next year and I hope they have an inspiring and worthwhile year... one they look back on with fondness. But I will try to not allow their opinions or even the opinions of others shape or define who I am and what I believe I am worth. I choose to be free of the fear of others and to live the life I was created for.
Still feeling the effects of a difficult night... felt a little like walking through a minefield only it was in my mind. However, am proud to say I did make a choice for life today. I was working at the school where I have a job next year and today the students all found out their teacher and class for next year. I confess I was feeling a little anxious and insecure about it all. I have casually taught all of the children who will be in my class and I was worried about how they'd feel about having me as their teacher.
The first temptation was to walk through the playground as children were opening the letters with their parents discussing it with their friends. Unfortunately, I succumbed to this temptation and purposefully took the long route to the staff room to observe any reactions. Truthfully, I hoped to hear excitement from children in my future class, but expected to hear disappointment and complaining. Fortunately, I heard neither so both my pride and insecurity were not fed.
As I left the staff room, I was tempted to walk back the same way. More letters had been opened and there were many varied loud responses and exclamations coming from children outside. What did they think? Would they be pleased? Really my heart was asking, do they like me? Or is what I fear actually true, they don't like me and I'm not a good teacher.
No, walking that way would not be helpful. I am not defined by what they think and my worth doesn't come from their acceptance or rejection. In fact, my worth does not even come from how well or badly I do my job. My worth comes from something far deeper. I find it difficult to believe or feel at times, but still I know it is true. I am of great worth because I was dreamed up and created by God. He imagined me exactly and created me to fill a specific gap that no one else could fill. I am His poem. His masterpiece. And nothing I do or don't achieve or accomplish will change that. Feelings change. Opinions of people are easily blown to and fro as on a wind. But God is secure and the fact that He chose me will never change.
So I will do my best with my class next year and I hope they have an inspiring and worthwhile year... one they look back on with fondness. But I will try to not allow their opinions or even the opinions of others shape or define who I am and what I believe I am worth. I choose to be free of the fear of others and to live the life I was created for.
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