Day 3... and 4
So, four days into it and I'm already a day behind. And I have to admit I was almost tempted to give it up completely. Does it really matter?... I have to confess there is a part of me that it does matter to though, and that this is pushing me on and holding me accountable. And so, if only for the sake of not wanting to give into my feelings and give 'failure' something else to throw at me, I've decided to push on.
Yesterday I chose life by choosing kindness over criticism. Grace over judgement. At the moment I'm working casually so, with the end of the school year quickly approaching, I'm home more than at work. I'm also living at Mum's... again. Part of it because I just recently got back from an 18mth stint in London... part of it for some stability and support... partly for the practical reason that I wasn't getting a regular income and was unsure of what was next. Funnily enough, my younger brother also moved back home a few weeks after me. His lease was cut short and now he's looking for a place with his fiance.
Enough of the family history. My brother and I are very different and, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm not very kind to him. I nag him. I don't agree with his life choices and, too often, I am openly critical and judgmental. I hear the way I sound when I speak to him sometimes and I know I would never have the boldness to speak to anyone else in such an unkind, bossy way. But when it comes to the little bro (who isn't so little anymore), it's like I can't help myself.
So yesterday I was home... and so was my brother. He'd called into work sick... nauseous. I was skeptical, was it really that bad? I could've been judgmental but, instead, I decided to show kindness. I encouraged him to rest. I made lunch for him and watched a dvd with him. I spoke to him with respect and a kind tone.
... it seems too little an act. Is this worthy of calling a step of courage? I feel it was as I was forced to go against how I felt and I put someone else ahead of myself. I love my brother. I'm just not very good at it. Hopefully if I have more days of choosing kindness this will change.
So, four days into it and I'm already a day behind. And I have to admit I was almost tempted to give it up completely. Does it really matter?... I have to confess there is a part of me that it does matter to though, and that this is pushing me on and holding me accountable. And so, if only for the sake of not wanting to give into my feelings and give 'failure' something else to throw at me, I've decided to push on.
Yesterday I chose life by choosing kindness over criticism. Grace over judgement. At the moment I'm working casually so, with the end of the school year quickly approaching, I'm home more than at work. I'm also living at Mum's... again. Part of it because I just recently got back from an 18mth stint in London... part of it for some stability and support... partly for the practical reason that I wasn't getting a regular income and was unsure of what was next. Funnily enough, my younger brother also moved back home a few weeks after me. His lease was cut short and now he's looking for a place with his fiance.
Enough of the family history. My brother and I are very different and, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm not very kind to him. I nag him. I don't agree with his life choices and, too often, I am openly critical and judgmental. I hear the way I sound when I speak to him sometimes and I know I would never have the boldness to speak to anyone else in such an unkind, bossy way. But when it comes to the little bro (who isn't so little anymore), it's like I can't help myself.
So yesterday I was home... and so was my brother. He'd called into work sick... nauseous. I was skeptical, was it really that bad? I could've been judgmental but, instead, I decided to show kindness. I encouraged him to rest. I made lunch for him and watched a dvd with him. I spoke to him with respect and a kind tone.
... it seems too little an act. Is this worthy of calling a step of courage? I feel it was as I was forced to go against how I felt and I put someone else ahead of myself. I love my brother. I'm just not very good at it. Hopefully if I have more days of choosing kindness this will change.
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